Ellie Row, Computer Animation Arts, UCA Rochester
Hey Ellie - so I've listened to this - congrats on getting in there and getting started with this process. My impressions are that perhaps this first version is missing some 'ups and downs' - the tone is very considered and reflective - as if you're a long way away from the actual sensations you describe - and I wonder if you need to take us on more of a journey - so a bit more attack, a bit more frustration, a bit more 'gallows humour', a bit more 'WTF?' I think you need to inhabit your language even more so and take some greater risks in terms of performativity and the spoken word. What do you think?
I agree, it feels a bit flat to me at the moment, or at least it isn't what I want it to be. I'll get back in there and get into it some more.