This is what I have recorded so far. There are some parts I want to change, and there was one section I haven't been able to clear all of the background noise from, but I am pleased with it so far. I will post the script later.
Hey Ellie - so I've listened to this - congrats on getting in there and getting started with this process. My impressions are that perhaps this first version is missing some 'ups and downs' - the tone is very considered and reflective - as if you're a long way away from the actual sensations you describe - and I wonder if you need to take us on more of a journey - so a bit more attack, a bit more frustration, a bit more 'gallows humour', a bit more 'WTF?' I think you need to inhabit your language even more so and take some greater risks in terms of performativity and the spoken word. What do you think?
Hey Ellie - so I've listened to this - congrats on getting in there and getting started with this process. My impressions are that perhaps this first version is missing some 'ups and downs' - the tone is very considered and reflective - as if you're a long way away from the actual sensations you describe - and I wonder if you need to take us on more of a journey - so a bit more attack, a bit more frustration, a bit more 'gallows humour', a bit more 'WTF?' I think you need to inhabit your language even more so and take some greater risks in terms of performativity and the spoken word. What do you think?
ReplyDeleteI agree, it feels a bit flat to me at the moment, or at least it isn't what I want it to be. I'll get back in there and get into it some more.
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