7 February 2017

@Phil - Script


I'm worried about how long this is. I timed this roughly in my head before I scripted it and I thought it fit into 2 minutes, but I may have gone through it too quickly.

 I'm not sure if it is because I am including too many different shots, I have tried to fit too much into 2 minutes, or have gone into too much detail in the script. I'm considering dropping one of the repeats from Act Two.

 Is this too long?
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  1. tutorphil8/2/17 7:44 am

    Yep - just cut one of the repeats - it's reading well, but you can trim here. Also, just in terms of 'where' this action is happening. To me it doesn't quite make sense that audiences would be going to 'a factory of fun' to see the clowns - it makes more sense that 'The Factory of Fun' is an act within a bigger event, like a circus of travelling fair or similar. It doesn't change your story at all, but I think in terms of those first establishing shots, you should consider introducing the audience to 'the big top' or 'The Fair' or similar, and then we zone in on Momo and Pogo's act entitled 'The Factory Of Fun' - a bit like at circuses you have the person who dives into a bucket of water, or cycles across a tight-tope etc. One way of establishing this would be to let us look at a poster a bit like these examples;

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/0b/b2/a1/0bb2a116ae86470a038dd29ca5d90e64.jpg

    http://www.arthurlloyd.co.uk/Stockport/TheatreRoyalPoster.jpg

    https://archiveshub.jisc.ac.uk/images/content/features-varietyandmusichall-argyle-lge.jpg

    The 'Conveyer Belt and Machine' would in this sense be a large scale prop or set within the circus/theatre environment.

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